porque sou feia. porque não tenho as coisas onde devia ter. porque nunca seria bonita, por mais que tentasse. porque não tenho paciência para tentar. porque os poucos talentos que tenho não me servem de nada no que toca a atingir alguma coisa que se veja. porque em tudo o resto em que não tenho talento sou menos que medíocre. porque nunca ninguém me admirou, a menos que fosse psicopata ou tivesse um parafuso a menos. porque nunca fiz parte de uma lista de "as mais desejadas" ou semelhante. porque não me devia importar se fiz ou não parte dessa lista. porque não me devia importar sequer se existe essa lista. porque finjo ser superior a coisas que devia ser e não sou. porque faço um sorriso parvo quando estou magoada. porque me faço de forte e de fria e depois choro às escondidas. porque não sou nem forte nem fria nem sequer o contrário. porque não me consigo definir. porque não interesso a ninguém apenas por aquilo que sou. porque o meu maior talento é ser animalzinho amestrado. porque odeio as pessoas. porque me odeio a mim. porque sim.

'it hurts when you touch and i'm sober enough not to please'

e um e dois e plié e estendeu e repete com port de bras põe o rabo para dentro sua feia e olhar para fora e cinco e seis e grand plié e passa por demi antes de subir! estende muito olhar para fora mas o que é que vos deu hoje? e sete e oito e degagé e espera e espera e olha para a mão e fechou em quinta e outra vez e dois e três e braços compridos esticar o pescoço e cinco ai se eu vou aí bato-vos onde é que está o pescoço? e port de bras tem tempo e baixa sem empinar o rabo e seis pescoço comprido e sete e oito e espera e espera e não corre! cabeça para a frente olha o degagé e olha para a mão e sobe muito bonito e fica aguenta aguenta aguenta alguém mandou descer? desce devagarinho e relevé demi-detournée e quero tudo igual para o outro lado.










o ballet faz-me prisão de ventre.

you're better off without me, mein Herr

maxwell leather demon rock hand jive

linda. mas assim muito e bastante.

Lene Lovich

you
shouldn't
cheat
yourself













photo by sal. | dec. 2006

[felt like changing]

dói tanto...

maybe

i'm sick of this. i think you're a child. i think you are all mistaken. i can see clearly where this is heading to and i'm sure that if you could see it too, you wouldn't like the way this is going to end. but i'm a mere spectator of the show, i just sit here and watch and i can't interfere with the movie. i'm sad you couldn't see where you were getting into, now it's too late but i shouldn't be concerned about it for it's not my life and it's not my business and i have nothing to do with it. or maybe i do. i don't know it for sure anymore. i'm sick of playing stupid little games and i'm giving up on it. maybe. or maybe not. as a matter of fact, i DO enjoy playing games, but i like to win all the time, i never take a second place as an answer. so if you could just see thru my point of view, or maybe i could open my mind for you considering that is something unspeakable and unexplainable, maybe, just maybe, you could see what i mean. or maybe not.

eu sou parva

















aliás, bastante parva





































paciência, acontece...

i want out








or in...



































































felt your arm around me last night

25 years over Kate Bush' The Dreaming

The Dreaming was Kate Bush' fourth album; by that time, she had already reached a comfortable status and was becoming kind of tired of playing the same piano-melody-song game. With Never For Ever' success, Kate knew it was time to try something different. By that time, Kate met Peter Gabriel (with whom she would later cooperate in Don't Give Up), who showed himself very interested in the way Kate composed her songs. When she told him she would do the melody in the piano, then start adding other instruments and voices, he told her : 'Darling, that's not the way it is done. First you do the drum beats, then you sing along with it and THEN you start adding instruments." And so she did.
The Dreaming is a weird album, in which recordings Kate barely left the studio and experimented things that had never been done before, such as didjeridoo ("The Dreaming"), animal sounds wisely added by her brother Paddy ("Get Out Of My House") and sang about delicate issues such as the aborigenies ("The Dreaming") and the Vietnam War ("Pull Out The Pin"). When she mastered it and delievered it to EMI for editing and distribution, they thought she was mad and refused to edit the album. But they couldn't turn their back on their golden girl so, after a few negotiations, a few copies of the album were released in UK. As expected, it sold bad. Kate was said to be "crazy", "possessed", or, less dramatic, "too advanced for her time".
To redeam herself, she released "Hounds Of Love" and EMI forgave her (although there was still a few problems with Hounds Of Love' major single, Running Up That Hill, that was supposed to be called A Deal With God; the title was changed because no song containing the word God in the title was allowed to be broadcasted).
25 years later, the album is more fabulous than ever. Now there is history enough to look at The Dreaming with admiration and listening to it is a vital experience to any musician. My advice : buy it in vinyl.

and then we were driving for our date with the night and i could feel the lights getting brighter and it was like reaching heaven out of the woods and into the world holding hands abandoning cars walking the beach searching hidden places mirrors black shoes briefcases beach towels coffee cigarettes water and lemon chill out and unknown houses and friendly people inside them and wild nights and nothing is going to reach you for there is sand and there are bodies and there are drugs and sex and it's hot and we should get undressed for the clothes do nothing here between us only make things difficult and i don't really know you but i don' care it's ok the same way should you be coming home or shall i stay a little while for iim waiting for someone that has it and if you have it then you'll be the one tonight just don't forget me and i'll give you what we both want i guees this is what you call freedom sorry i fell asleep but i don't sleep more than three hours since the day before yesterday and i know we have to work and i know you have a hangover and yes don't worry i carry condoms just take me home for i need something to wake me up otherwise i won't be able to get laid tonight i must put some lipstick on and get dressed and take a bath remember when you though i was dead in the bathtub i wish you all could see me naked i like the idea my body is exposed but you're not here tonight so i must think of someone else it's you you have it and can give it to memeet me in the bar behind the beach and then i'll get a way to get us a bed or was it the other night i still don't know why i repeat the same stuff to all of you but it's ok and there are sheets that aren't changed and gigs and piano voices and bottles rolling in the floor go go go go you can do it you know you want it why do i have to go away and this season has to end i have turned myself into a new person and they don't love you like i can. come here, sugar.

tired
tired
tired
tired
tired
tired

i miss you all you know i'm talking about you bring back my life and my summer and my vices and my forgettingness and my trains and my wildness and bring back the cold and the winter and the recording rooms and the gigs and the cold nights and bathtubs outside home and hotels and motels and other people's houses. because if i seem free it's because i'm always running

and as i stood there waiting for the train it was hot and there were still fifteen minutes for it to arrive so i went inside and a flash came into my head as i remembered one of the nights i was there at the same station all by my own and it was raining and dark and there was this bench made of wood probably very old probably had been there for more than half a century and it was full of carved drawings and names so the idea of carving our names there came to me and then a lady arrived and she told me that everytime she passed there she used to do it, first with her husband later with her kids and now even with her grandkids so i thought it was good stuff. anyway we grew apart and now i was looking at it and thinking that there are some things that even we can't erase. and i felt comforted. at least.

hello are u there? great because that's exactly with you i need to talk can you say my name? good. and can you say hello and smile and ask me how am i doing and ask me if i want to take a cup of coffee just to chat instead of trying immediatly dragging me into your bed? you can? that's ok then, let's talk. about me, about you, about what's going on and why is it that i can't remember what happened to my head sometimes and why do you understand what i'm saying even if i'm saying the wrong words and these should be misunderstood and by this time i should be losing you for some other girl who doesn't want to chat, just spend a good time and i don't blame her and i don't blame you but whoa what is this? you're really enjoying the conversation and so am i and i nearly forgot you're attractive and i could even kiss you and you're a man but that doesn't matter anymore because i fell in love already with your mind

As today is the longest day of the year and we must somehow thank the goddess for all the good things and the sun and stuff i can make only one wish, can't i? so please please please BRING BACK THE RAIN!!!!!people are crazy with all the heat stressing up with things to think and do and i just can't talk to any man anymore while the moods aren't cooled down and it's not just me it's almost everyone i know and then i realize that myself i am becoming stressed up and then i feel horrible because my bloodpressure is going down and i am about to faint beacause of the heat and all that bily idol's "hot in the city" is all bullshit because i just can't stand it. i'm melting. again.