Tuesday, September 9, 2008

i tried in every ways, i did everything that was possible to be done. alright, not everything. i did what was humanly possible to me without humiliating myself too much. i did what more than four years of friendship made me do. i swallowed the pride, erased my tendency to be bipolary capricious, kept my technical/professional/intellectual abilities in the shade. i accepted last-minute change of plans, non-inclusions in social-like events in which we could take the risk of being seen in public, kept secrets that were never asked to be kept. i blurred personality, traced an omnipresent smile in every communication, coloured with the sweetness i could all the answers, even the ones whose questions made them potentially sour.
even so, i didn't get it. it was like buying a puzzle that, although it had come sealed from the factory, seemed that had been opened in the middle of the way and someone had switched the pieces in a way they would never fit. i kept my mind open and i still managed to fit some pieces after taking a deep breath, but i thought about putting it aside many times. probably too many. but then there was one more piece that would fit, and another, and another, and i would almost forget how difficult it had been.
but this time it turned to be impossible. i believe i even ruined a part of it trying to figure out if the mistake wasn't mine. as soon as i was sure of that, i put it away in the drawer, sadly assured that i will never take it again.

i gave up. but i still have nightmares about it.


Bordello said...

não imaginas o medo que essa última frase me causa

Ana_Leorne said...

a mim não me causa medo, mas sim tristeza:/